I have typed out several opening paragraphs and discarded them all because they just sound stupid. I have no idea how to blog, so I'll just write like I'm talking to a good friend.
Life is hard. If you don't already know this, you will soon. I lived an extremely charmed life for my first 33 years. Not that my life is miserable now, but I don't think I fully appreciated just how uneventful my life was before. Before what, you ask?
It's hard to say, exactly. So many unexpected things have happened to me over the past 18 months that I'm not sure which of them officially removed the rose-colored glasses from my eyes. But for someone who likes to be in control of her life, learning the lesson of "letting go" has been the hardest.
Last spring, Darrell and I were trying to decide if we wanted to have another baby. Joshua was three, and we thought it was "now or never" if we were going to add to our family. Neither of us was opposed to a second kid; we were both vehemently opposed to another baby. You see, we don't do the "baby thing" well at all. Lack of sleep turns both of us into screaming banshees (well, maybe me a little more that D). There is nothing about babyhood that I enjoy. If that makes me a bad mom, then so be it. We officially decided "no more kids."
And so, of course, we got pregnant. That is generally how those things work, right?
As time went by (and the morning sickness subsided), we got excited about our new addition. Joshua was excited to be a big brother and we were all relieved when baby Caleb arrived without incident in January 2010.
On February 15th, we got a call from our pediatrician that Caleb's newborn metabolic screening had come back positive for cystic fibrosis. What came after that was a hellish two months of tests, doctor's visits, sleepless nights, emotional breakdowns and deals with God. The final verdict: pancreatic sufficient cystic fibrosis. Maybe I will post the specifics in another blog post; suffice it to say that pancreatic sufficient cystic fibrosis is associated with a milder version of the disease.
Two days after receiving Caleb's official diagnosis, we found out that Joshua has a significant hearing loss in his left ear. Permanent nerve damage and damage to the hairs in the cochlea. Many tests would follow (some we have yet to complete). Needless to say, that was a blow from out of left field. I'm pretty sure that was the worst week of my life to date.
Through it all I have been amazed at God's provision in our lives. As difficult as this year has been, I have grown stronger in my faith in God, and I am learning to put my trust in Him to provide for all of our needs. I am reading my Bible daily and spending much more time in prayer. I have experienced the peace that passes human understanding, even in the face of devastating events. There is so much more to tell, and I will elaborate in future posts.
I hope that through this blog I can share some of the encouragement that I have gained from God's word and the exhortation of close friends and family. If my first 33 years were "charmed", then my prayer is that my next 33 years be "blessed." My desire is to live my life in a way that brings honor and glory to God.